Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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