Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
