I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
