did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
