Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Randomize
