As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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