I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
