Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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