glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
