imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
