My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
