your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
