So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
