Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
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today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
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If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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