Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Holy shit dude........stairs
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