i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
His nipple licking is glorious
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