i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
