I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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