Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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