Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
