I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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