look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
