Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
