i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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