I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
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