thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
