so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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