If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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