Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
