yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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