his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
