people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
