he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
