Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
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"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
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God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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