Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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