he thought i was a dude.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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