I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
