I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Randomize
