Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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