Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
