Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
