If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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