: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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