I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
