i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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