quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
