ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
