I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
