so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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