I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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