how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
