those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
