Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
We are two peas in an std pod
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
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DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
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wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
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