Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
