bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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