took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I need to sanitize my soul.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
