the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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