I like my sex mixed with concussions.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
