I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I wish there were birth control emojis
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Randomize
