you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
