They should really pass out barf bags in church
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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