Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
