I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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