Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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