The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
