Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
