i just wanna soil my oats bro
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
