clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Randomize
