its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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