My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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