cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
