Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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