this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
