my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
