Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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