I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
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I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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